Movies And The Predetermined Destruction of Relationships Which Are Yet To Form . . .

doug said . . .

I DON'T GET THE MOVIE ADVICE. "First dates" are creepy. I always end up doing movies for First Meetings, but dates generally don't occur until I've hung out with someone dozens of times.

I'd have to say that in 100% of my relationships (sneaky math!), what was considered the first "date" was a movie, but that may be because I date girls who love movies.

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The topic of this title is a waste of words, I realize, but allow me to explain.

Imagine, for a moment, a bomb capable of imploding the earth. This bomb exists at the primordial stage of our planet. Right as the earth is evolving, plots showing fruition, and the first rose petals bloom . . . dear god, the whole thing has imploded. Oh my.

This, my friend, is the general consequence of a movie date.

I am, as implied with the word "general", generalizing. I supposed, rather pretentiously I confess, that avoiding movies, especially theaters, on the first date was common sense, and as evidence that I'm not entirely an asshole for thinking so, look at the Floyd's Garage Amazon List for Good First Date Movies.

Seems like Floyd was being a bit sarcastic, yes?

There is, of course, the possibility that both you and your date enjoy talking during movies. If so, congratulations, you've lucked out.

I hesitate to recommend new theater releases, and movies overall, along with any scenario which hinders intimate conversation betwixt two persons, for the very reason they hinder that communication. Two hours of silence followed by a half-hour cheap meal? How can one expect to get to know the person! Romance certainly can't be developed when two persons sit quietly in a crowded arena as actors prance about on the screen, munching popcorn.

Welcome, my friend, to Cheap High-School Excuses To Make Out 101. This is your teacher, Mr. Undateable.

How would you feel, may I ask, if your date sat silently next to you without a word? You saw her out and about, talked to her for a few minutes, got her number, and then asked her to sit silently next to you while an enormous screen flashed bright light in her eyes over a sweet, lovely meal of popcorn, raisenettes, and Sprite. Congratulations, Don Juan DeMarco, you've really made her feel special.

Look, throughout history, men have been attracted to beautiful woman, and woman are attracted to men who can provide, i.e. have money.

At some point you'll become friendly enough that this criteria will not hold the same import, but for the moment, be romantic, be special; either treat her like a princess and get her a fine meal with sweet wine (or the forceful taste of a red, if you're eating red meats or tomato sauced pasta), or make her feel like you get to know her.

Don't spend twenty bucks at a cheap theater getting her buttered popcorn when she likes it salted and make her feel like she's your make-out buddy for the next week.

I'm being idealistic, I realize this, supposing a relationship (a successful one) will blossom from whomever you next introduce yourself to, and I won't insist that all first-date movies end in no second-date phone call; simply give yourself the best chance you can, get to know her the best you can, and all those "best chance" things that come with it.

And with quarto's insistance that a walk will suffice, and grandly so, why not save yourself a couple wasted bucks on stale popcorn and put that money towards a nice meal? Even if the date turns to shit, the overpriced shrimp will be worthwhile.

Ah, Love-Birds.

Anonymous said...

In your opinion, what is the most romantic first date?

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I was intending an elaborate lecture, a monologue regarding the definition and history of romance, largely speculative of course, the nature of testosterone, estrogen, pheremones (a chemical designed specifically to engage behavioral responses from other animals), and all sorts of unnecessary mumblings for to offer my audience (perhaps at the risk of pretense, a trait, like vanity, which is a bit underrated in society- less on that later).

However, lacking important details regarding your financial situation, the arena of possibilities surrounding your locale, (restaurants, attractions, social centers- wait, disregard that last one, for reasons which shall become less fuzzy-lookin'), etc.

Fortunately, and as an end to this introduction, I quote "in [my] opinion" rather gleefully.

First off, to quote a friend of mine (female, my anonymous pal), "The best first romantic date is dinner and a walk."

Exceptions include: Scenarios in which you know what the girl likes. Do this!. What are her major interests? What's the one thing she'll do for the rest of her life, even for free?

Naturally, if you don't know, dinner, walk, and then ask.

And I must emphasize: make her feel special!

Yes, boys and girls, mice and micestresses, octopuses, octowusses, and octopis, 'tis very important to make her feel special.

Merriam-Webster, my own, personal Deep Throat (i.e. my source- not a good first date, unless you're both wierd), defines special as:

1 : distinguished by some unusual quality; especially : being in some way superior (our special blend)
2 : held in particular esteem (a special friend)
3 a : readily distinguishable from others of the same category : UNIQUE (they set it apart as a special day of thanksgiving)

and equally appropriate in a complementary manner

4 : being other than the usual : ADDITIONAL, EXTRA
5 : designed for a particular purpose or occasion

The "particular purpose" being, of course, simply your source of happiness.

For good, wholesome, mid-western, romanticism, I interviewed my friend Leslie (Nebraska-grown):

Something personal for you and [her]. If you both love music than a concert. Once a guy took me horseback riding because he knew that I loved it and his family raised Morgans.

(Editors note: Check out this site if you don't know what Morgans are.)

Thanks, Leslie, but I have to make a few remarks on that- namely, avoid excess noise and anything that will distract for socializing with your date. This includes concerts and, above all, movies.

No movies on the first date!

To quote a woman I once knew, "Oh, no, no, no [in regards to movies on the first date]. Only if you're a big fat idiot. Or you don't like the person."

No flowers on the first date, unless you know them well and you have a specific reason (i.e., last week she said she enjoyed a particular flower during this time of the season, or similar scenarios).

In summary:

a) Something in which the two of you are alone with time to converse.
b) Avoid distractions (movies, loud noise, etc.).
c) I like caramel. I like caramel a lot. But you can't talk with it in your mouth. (Avoid food items which hinder conversation a/o or kissing, should kissing arise).
d) Don't spill on her (although, if she likes you, I hope she wouldn't mind).
e) Don't sell home insurance door-to-door. If you do, lie, and quickly find another job.
f) Don't fuck up.

Hopefully this will calm your nerves.

If you do a movie date, may Satan eat your soul quickly and without salt.