Ah, Love-Birds.

Anonymous said...

In your opinion, what is the most romantic first date?

---

I was intending an elaborate lecture, a monologue regarding the definition and history of romance, largely speculative of course, the nature of testosterone, estrogen, pheremones (a chemical designed specifically to engage behavioral responses from other animals), and all sorts of unnecessary mumblings for to offer my audience (perhaps at the risk of pretense, a trait, like vanity, which is a bit underrated in society- less on that later).

However, lacking important details regarding your financial situation, the arena of possibilities surrounding your locale, (restaurants, attractions, social centers- wait, disregard that last one, for reasons which shall become less fuzzy-lookin'), etc.

Fortunately, and as an end to this introduction, I quote "in [my] opinion" rather gleefully.

First off, to quote a friend of mine (female, my anonymous pal), "The best first romantic date is dinner and a walk."

Exceptions include: Scenarios in which you know what the girl likes. Do this!. What are her major interests? What's the one thing she'll do for the rest of her life, even for free?

Naturally, if you don't know, dinner, walk, and then ask.

And I must emphasize: make her feel special!

Yes, boys and girls, mice and micestresses, octopuses, octowusses, and octopis, 'tis very important to make her feel special.

Merriam-Webster, my own, personal Deep Throat (i.e. my source- not a good first date, unless you're both wierd), defines special as:

1 : distinguished by some unusual quality; especially : being in some way superior (our special blend)
2 : held in particular esteem (a special friend)
3 a : readily distinguishable from others of the same category : UNIQUE (they set it apart as a special day of thanksgiving)

and equally appropriate in a complementary manner

4 : being other than the usual : ADDITIONAL, EXTRA
5 : designed for a particular purpose or occasion

The "particular purpose" being, of course, simply your source of happiness.

For good, wholesome, mid-western, romanticism, I interviewed my friend Leslie (Nebraska-grown):

Something personal for you and [her]. If you both love music than a concert. Once a guy took me horseback riding because he knew that I loved it and his family raised Morgans.

(Editors note: Check out this site if you don't know what Morgans are.)

Thanks, Leslie, but I have to make a few remarks on that- namely, avoid excess noise and anything that will distract for socializing with your date. This includes concerts and, above all, movies.

No movies on the first date!

To quote a woman I once knew, "Oh, no, no, no [in regards to movies on the first date]. Only if you're a big fat idiot. Or you don't like the person."

No flowers on the first date, unless you know them well and you have a specific reason (i.e., last week she said she enjoyed a particular flower during this time of the season, or similar scenarios).

In summary:

a) Something in which the two of you are alone with time to converse.
b) Avoid distractions (movies, loud noise, etc.).
c) I like caramel. I like caramel a lot. But you can't talk with it in your mouth. (Avoid food items which hinder conversation a/o or kissing, should kissing arise).
d) Don't spill on her (although, if she likes you, I hope she wouldn't mind).
e) Don't sell home insurance door-to-door. If you do, lie, and quickly find another job.
f) Don't fuck up.

Hopefully this will calm your nerves.

If you do a movie date, may Satan eat your soul quickly and without salt.